if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we made out on top of his cat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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