ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
