is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How naked do you want me to be?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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