sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
