I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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