Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
