margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
