I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
