At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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