my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
