His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
