He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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