It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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