the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
