she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there was a trapeze. enough said
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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