Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
