she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
