Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
