New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
