I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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