Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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