why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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