We named our party play list daddy issues
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
