Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
