Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
