i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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