I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
