I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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