Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
