glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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