Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
