I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
