I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
