Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
