that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
