I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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