Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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