Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
