Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
