And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
