I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
