You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
