plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
