You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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