Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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