I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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