Ketchup is God's man juice
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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