so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My cat gives me a boner
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
