I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
