Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I love black thongs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
