In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
