Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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