Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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