if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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