i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
